Spring cleaning.

So, it’s coming. That reminder that your life is trash.

Sorry, I’m projecting.

That reminder that my life is trash. You might remember that from some of my previous blogs. I’m kind of, what do they call it, a hot mess. But it’s fine. I’ve been spending the last couple of weeks with a different outlook. I’m de-stressing. I’m living a centered, more carefree existence. It started with lying to myself. There was a lot of sarcasm. I trained myself to relax, to not hate everything completely (or at least, to hate them a little less). And it’s been hard. Do you see what’s been going on lately? Whew. Y’all know me well enough. I like the fight. I crave drama. It’s always reminded me that I’m alive, that I’m here, that I’m real, that I’m not alone. How twisted is that?

And getting away from that mindset… that’s been what my last year and a half or so has really been about.

(more…)

Migos Ipsum

This isn’t going to be a long post, but at migos.seagoat.io I host a lorem ipsum generator that generates randomized Migos lyrics based on placeholder text needs, and I just updated it. I still have a long way to go with Javascript/ J-Query and this is one of those projects that is enjoyable and kind of stupid and meaningless. Over time I hope to keep adding features (like more options, for instance), fixing code, and more.

One thing I want to work on before I update it next is a better way to store the song lyrics than an array. Currently having the lyrics stored in an array out of initial laziness makes adding new lines and cleaning/ editing existing lines more difficult. I was thinking it might just be easier to grab them from a text file and place it into the array when the javascript is loaded.

I also wanted to try to make an API out of it, because I’ve never really done anything with APIs and that’s something I should be more familiar with.

I’d really appreciate you sharing it or commenting on this post with any thoughts or ideas. Bless.

New Faces.

So after updating the hot mess of my (still) under-construction portfolio last week, and following last night’s post on actually getting things done, I took some time today to update this blog. It’s still far from perfect, but it’s not something that I’m willing to put more than an hours’ recode into designing. I have so many more projects to focus on that can actually go towards my portfolio.

Most of this theme borrows it’s bones from the previous theme, which was (and still is) a hastily thrown together concoction that shared a somewhat brutalist and ugly aesthetic with my under constructed portfolio. Now, both have themes that are a bit more colorful and uniform, though admittedly I still think they’re bland and lifeless – mostly from not getting the attention I’d give to other projects.

Speaking of projects: I’m going to do it this time. I’m going to have a streak of productive, ‘non-zero’ days, and I’m going to actually learn programming beyond front-end development… though, I’ve decided I need to start with front-end development, particularly increasing my javascript/jQuery capabilities. My main goal is to get to a comfortable place with interactive and animated design, mixing newer, more flashier elements of CSS with the power of jQuery, and later moving on from actual javascript programming to some frameworks and server stuff. Once I’m comfortable with that, I think getting back into Python / Ruby will be a lot easier.

While I’m focusing on refreshing and updating my front end skills in the meantime, though, I’m going to try and put some of that effort into the blog/ portfolio. So both themes and their shared design should grow and evolve overtime. Fun!

I’ve realized that as much as I want to write, creative writing isn’t going to pay my bills until I’m successful. And since I enjoy both writing and design anyway, I need to get back into paying attention to development and skills that I can actually utilize before my Hollywood takeover.

Anyway. That’s all for today. I’m gonna go do… something.

Days.

‪Day in, day out, day by day… easy concept, tough execution. I don’t know how to stay motivated.  ‬I still don’t. This has been my problem since… well, ever. I get a good, strong start. I’m gonna change everything! I’ve got a new project! Then I go to bed.

I wake up, and this is still my life. I’m still here. I’m still working retail. The future is still uncertain. Everyone is doing better than me. People who were behind me are now ahead of me. I’m still, y’know, depressed and tired and alone.

And that motivation from the day before is gone. Several times a day I internally yell at myself to fucking do something. But everything is so exhausting. So I end up doing nothing and still being exhausted.

And then, day by day, the goal post gets further, and tougher, and my life is sadder and lonelier. I give myself reassurances. Tons of people don’t get started until later! At least you’re not in the mental space you used to be! And these reassurances don’t really do anything. They’re not encouraging. They don’t stop the things I hate about my life.

They’re like telling people to be happy in their own skin. My skin doesn’t feel right. This isn’t my skin. My muscles aren’t moving the way I want them too. I don’t want to feel like this. Those reassurances tell me that my life-skin is right on track or better than I was or good enough. But it’s not. I don’t like this. I don’t like this.

I usually end these things on a positive note but I’d rather end this very short post with a hard truth, because maybe I just need a guilt trip:

No one is going to help you. You can’t rely on anyone. You are behind. You are not better. Help yourself. Rely on yourself. Catch up. Do something great today. Day in, day out, day by day. Tough execution, be tougher.

Boring Blog Post of Updates

So for those of you paying attention, here’s where I landed on the whole, ‘what do I want to have completed/worked on this year’ list:

  1. New Car.
  2. Saving Money.
  3. Portfolio / Projects.
  4. Life / Events / Introversion.
  5. Get Fit (1 – 3 pounds a week, for six months).

I’m going to just run through these real quick, so don’t expect some meticulously crafted essay or anything.

(more…)

On 2017.

I don’t want to be one of the people groaning about 2016 because anyone able to read this was already there. There’s a lot to be worried about in 2017, but I don’t want to live in negativity (today, at least). I wanted to take some time to go over what my biggest failures were last year, but also some successes, as well as look forward to the coming year. And it’s only January Fifth, so the no-more-procrastination thing is going great!

2016

My first big success this year was honestly my blog until I fucked up and (somehow?) got it deleted. Oops. Even though I wasn’t doing the weekly posting that I wanted, I’m still happy for the monthly posts I’d been doing for most of the year. I’m hoping 2017 will be an even larger improvement. I also want to get several failsafes set up as far as website/ wordpress backups go so I don’t have to go through that again. Luckily, I realized recently that because of the Medium plugin I’ve got most of the posts I’d made last year saved somewhere (just not here).

Another success this year was finally getting out of debt. Most of this success was due to other people but I’m still taking it as a ‘win’ since I’m the one positively affected here, ok?

2016 was a hermit’s year for me. I spend most of my time alone / at home. For the first half of the year I let ‘life’ be an excuse. My friends are scattering out further than ever, my finances were oppressive, and I was working a job that had not met it’s promised expectations, yet was taking more of my time than any other. But even then I knew that I was putting myself into a box. By the end of the year I was allowing myself to fall into a lackluster rhythm.

2017

Luckily, I still had enough successes last year to power my forward momentum through time-space.  Here are some of my goals this year:

One important step this year is getting a new car. Now that I don’t have massive amount of credit debt, I can afford a monthly payment. My current car is the result of an accident that totaled my first car (and fyi, I’m still salty about it). This current car will not make it to LA, not this year and certainly not next year. And it certainly won’t keep me getting around once I am there. Once I get a new car, I need to be better about taking care of it. My current car is beat the fuck up because I’ve been salty about it’s existence. That’s a really bad excuse but it’s a piece of shit.

Which brings me to my next point: LA. I need to save some money. I can’t guarantee that I’ll have a job once I get there, or that I’ll be able to afford anything. I’m going to need at least something to buffer some time once I’m there, let alone deposits, rent, furniture, etc. 2017 is my year of planning, and I don’t care how Capricorn Aye Eff that sounds.

Pretty much all of these goals have been puzzle pieces to the larger endgame, living and working in LA, but they haven’t really addressed what I want to do once I’m there, which is really anything creative. So this year also needs to be the year of a budget portfolio. I need to hone and display my skills, something I’ve always been awkward and just plain bad about doing. That’s the main reason I’ve purchased jacobramsdell.com: to start a portfolio.

One of the ways I’m planning to go about filling said portfolio is to work on a few projects that I’ll be starting this year. There will be more on this later.

Additionally, I need to start networking, even here in DC. Not just to meet people but to learn things. I’m taking January / February to figure this out. But it’s not just about meeting new people, I need to be better invested in the friends I already have, because in 2016 I was a shitty, absent friend. I don’t want to blame this on introversion/ INFP either. I can do better.

Lastly, and this is pretty generic, I need to get fit. I can’t keep doing this whole being uncomfortable in my own body and binging thing. It ain’t cute, and it doesn’t feel good, and I want to parkour and stuff like a masked vigilante. So I’m making a very doable goal, starting today, of 1-3 pounds a week for the next six months. Clearly, I’m leaving some wiggle room. Some jiggle room, if you will. I don’t want to pretend that I’m going to be hitting 3 pounds every week, but I am hoping on a healthy 2 pounds average. But I’m also realistic enough to know that some weeks I’ll lose 1, 0, or  -10 pounds.

Let’s review:

I’ll update this list throughout the year with new blog posts on my progress. That’s an easy way to keep pushing content, right?

  1. New Car.
  2. Saving Money.
  3. Portfolio / Projects.
  4. Life / Events / Introversion.
  5. Get Fit (1 – 3 pounds a week, for six months).

Also, some wants:

Even though I’m trying to save money and pay for a car and get out of the house and do things, I still really want a new computer. I’ve been eyeing the Microsoft Surface Book with Performance Base because the MacBooks have been disappointing lately. I’m worried that if I don’t get a new computer now, when the time comes that I really need it I won’t be able to. I know that’s lame reasoning, but I’m the king of bad decisions. But also the king of good advice and yet I don’t really know what to tell myself. So I’m making this deal with myself: I’m at least going to wait until a new Surface Book comes out later this year.

That’s about it, for now. Sorry there were no stories or morals in this post. How boring for you!

Hello world!

Damn, people.

Today’s Lesson: Backup your shit often, or you’ll lose everything.

It’s cool, though. I’m so used to awful things happening that I’m not even mad. It’s an opportunity to start new. It’s an opportunity to write about the same things without any evidence to the contrary. And thankfully, I’m not cool enough to show up on the wayback machine. Blessed!

I recently (finally) purchased my name dot com, which I’ll be using for more portfolio-esque content. I’ll still be posting thoughts here, so both sites should expect some design at some point over the next couple of months.

It’s a brand new day. 🙂

Also: find me on twitter.